I decided in honor of Father’s Day, I would share a letter I wrote to Coco about her daddy the month before she was born. I found out early in my pregnancy that she was likely a girl, and it really concerned me. I felt so easy about being the mom to a boy (who will be 14 tomorrow! What?!), but for some reason, thinking about mothering a girl brought out a lot of issues for me. Recognizing how fortunate I am to have such an amazing partner has been a huge part of embracing being a girl-mommy.
A letter for Coco, February 2009
Since you will be here soon, and I will just have to come to grips with having a girl, I thought I could at least tell you why I love your Daddy and then maybe someday it will help you to weed through all the jerks and find someone who deserves you.
Jason lives each day with no expectations, only joy and excitement as to what might happen. Even when I am stuck in day to day drama (and sometimes he is too!), he will surprise me with a tiny baby pine cone he has found on the ground that we set in the window and watch for days as it opens and the seeds are exposed for planting.
Jason knows something about everything (although he would never admit to that). He loves to learn new things and share ideas and concepts and just talk about the universe. There is a running joke in our relationship that he can do anything except floral arrangements. Of course, in all the years we have been together, I have actually seen him do some pretty nice floral arrangements too.
Jason is always learning. He is a philosopher and thinker of the highest order. He would have fit right in with Socrates or Plato, if they had been heavily tattooed and enjoyed a lot of black coffee.
Jason is confident in his decisions. Not in an annoying, pushy way, just radiating inner peace and certainty.
Jason is private – I am the only one who knows many of his inner thoughts, something that makes me the most special person in the world. I love that he trusts me to share things with me, and I take that responsibility very seriously.
Jason does things full tilt, and lets me do them too. He doesn’t have a tribal armband tattooed on his bicep, he has a full 40+ hours of ink with over 30 hours by some of the top artists in the country. Other than asking some reasonable questions, he doesn’t balk at any idea I have for our house, our dog, or our children.
Jason is an amazing stepfather and already an amazing dad. As much as I love going to my midwife appointments with him during our pregnancy, I almost enjoy going alone just as much. I get to hear the midwives gush about how wonderful they know he will be during labor. ☺
Jason relentlessly aspires to perfection but does not hold it over my head when I don’t.
Jason is flawed. He makes mistakes and admits mistakes gracefully. So, I can too.
Jason is always ready to go to war with me. Not against me, not just when I really need him, but always.
When I feel undeserving, Jason reminds me that I am more that worthy of the love he heaps on me. He reminds me that I am not one thing or another because of him, or in spite of him, but that we are better together than anyone else could be.
Jason is everything I would want you to find in a partner. Not a doormat, nor a control-freak. Not a neat freak or a complete mess. Insistent of his space, but respectful of mine. The perfect balance for me, most of the time.
If your choices are to find someone just like your daddy, or someone completely unlike him – I guess you would see what my vote would be. It doesn’t matter if he has thirty piercings or plays in an obscene band that plays naked covered in chicken blood. Or if he prefers to play scrabble for a hot date or gardens every morning (whatever moves you, right?). As long as you are validated, engaged, beloved and fascinated every day, it doesn’t matter what the packaging.
Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband and all of the amazing daddies out there that protect and validate their wives, daughters and sons, 365 days a year.